No Longer

//I can no longer distinguish--

pain from pleasure;
abuse from affection;
contusions from caresses.

//Embraces could be delivered--

in tightly-clenched fists;
words of affirmation in abasement;
trust in forced hands.

//I can no longer tell the difference--

between love and hurt;
dark bruises and soft kisses;
belittlement and support.

//All i do decipher is the aftermath -

the tears,
the marks,
the aches;
hot showers soothing
stinging skin,
shaky knees and
trembling hands;
the nauseating guilt;
encapsulating,
overwhelming fear...

and the sickening inability to just walk away.